My LapBand Story

The two and a half hour drive home from the meeting last night was pretty bad.

My headache was unbearable, it started snowing, and my gas gage was acting up again.  Sometimes the needle gets stuck somewhere way above full and I have no idea how much is in it.  Since it was snowing, I wanted to get out of the snow band as quickly as possible.  Stopping for gas was not on the agenda.

So I drove for about two hours straight with a raging headache in the dark and in the snow.  To boot, I had smudges on the inside of my windshield making it near-impossible to see when I had a car driving towards me or drove through a lit-up city.

I got off of I-81 and had driven about a fourth of the “no man’s land” stretch on 12/37 when my “Check Gages” light came on.  It’s a definite indicator that I am running out of gas and I need to stop as soon as possible.

Unfortunately for me there were no gas stations.  So I trudged along for about a half an hour hoping to hell I didn’t run out of gas before finally making it to a town!

I pulled into Valero.  I needed gas, coffee, Motrin and to use the bathroom.  I parked at a pump and decided that my need to pee just could NOT be ignored.  I went inside and quickly told the mid-20’s kid behind the counter:

“I’m going to get gas, but first I need to use your bathroom.  Where is it?”

He pointed the way and I just made it.

I got my coffee and mini pack of Motrin and went to the counter to pay.

“Yea, I can tell when the weather’s going to change.  I get sinus headaches, too.” he said while smiling at me with puppy-dog eyes.

“I know!  I’ve had this sinus headache since last night!  I’ve been trying to rub my temple for relief, but it’s just not working,” I replied.

“I can tell,” he said with a smile.

“How?” I asked.

He then leaned over the counter and gently ran his fingers around my right temple, “You’re red all through here.”

Oh my.  The kid was hitting on me!!!  Very sweet.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and made my way home to my kids and husband  with a smile on my face. 

I triumphantly announced to Michael that a cute chubby-chasing hyper kid at the gas station made a pass at me.  :-)  That is what I’m going to miss most when I lose the weight.  But I’ll get more into that in another entry.

Another thing touched on during the meeting was the whole “food diary” thing.  The purpose of which is so that a professional can look at it and make you “see the light” about how you eat (in case you haven’t already become self-enlightened).

So the actual question is “Why am I Morbidly Obese?”  The answers are radically different for everyone, and dependent on what phase of life you’re in.

If I was asked this question ten years ago -or even fifteen years ago- the answer would be something along the lines of “I hate healthy foods and eat junk at any given interval.”

But now that I’m a bit older, it’s a different ballgame.

Fast food rarely sees my plate.  I’ll indulge about 4 or 5 times a year (which is usually around the same time I see ice cream or milkshakes).  Those times are usually when I’m on some kind of road trip, and if I plan better I can avoid it.

My eating habits are as follows:

I wake up with the kids at around 8 or 9AM.  I feed them breakfast, get them clean diapers, give them snacks, play with them.  I don’t notice hunger at all until 2, 3, sometimes 4PM.  By them I’m famished.

From 4PM until I go to bed I am constantly snacking.  Dinner consists of lumberjack portions (but usually of nutritionally balanced food).  Usually I go for that late-night “fourth meal” of dinner leftovers to compensate for not eating a real breakfast or lunch.

As I write this now it’s close to noon and all I’ve had is a cup of black coffee with Splenda.

I don’t drink soda on a regular basis (once every two or three months I’ll get a 12 pack of diet soda and get severely depressed from the aspartame come-down and vow to never drink the shit again).  About once a month Michael and I will indulge on a night with beer and/or mixed drinks.  I drink a couple cups of coffee a week.  When I’m thirsty I drink water.  I don’t drink as much water as I should because I usually don’t notice that I’m thirsty at night when I’m shoveling down food.

So, I think as far as my psych evaluation goes…I’m relatively self-aware.

I want the LapBand to give me the proverbial hand slapping I need to stop myself from mindlessly overeating all night.  I need the extreme of going through with weight-loss surgery to kind of announce to the world that what I eat is fucking important.  I need the LapBand as a crutch to allow me to be okay with taking care of myself without feeling selfish and guilty.

I’ll be able to say things like “No, let’s go to the restaurant that has more nutritious options even though it costs more than McDonalds.  Because I CAN’T eat fast food anymore.”  And I’ll have the LapBand to validate it…to blame for it.

I’ve repeatedly heard the saying “The LapBand is a tool.”  I can’t say I agree.  In my opinion the LapBand is a weapon.  A weapon to fight my habits.  I just need the strength to wield it.

I had my bariatric surgery informational meeting last night.  The drive was long and irritating.  Why they decided to have the  meeting during rush hour (started at 5PM) I have NO idea.

And whomever wrote the directions to the place has a swift ass kicking coming from me when I find them.  Ahem, if the directions tell you to get to the furthest left lane, I’m going to go to the furthest left lane!  I’m not going to be paying attention to a split in the road that creates two furthest left lanes and that I should take the first one.  The first having been the middle lane not even 50 feet back.  *sigh*

It would also help to know what side of the road the back entrance to the place is.  I almost wound up going into a parking garage.  :-/

Either way, I made it to the meeting (about five minutes late) and wound up grabbing a seat behind a woman that I couldn’t see around.  No, no…not because she was overweight…but because she decided to tease her hair to Texas heights.  The gallon of old lady perfume she was wearing did nothing good for the sinus headache I had, either.

The first speaker was the dietician (I think, I missed her intro) and she trudged through all the stuff that she knew we had heard a million times.  Portion control, good carbs, bad carbs, good fats, bad fats, empty calories, beverages that waste calories, etc…  Normally I cannot STAND dieticians, but she was nice.  She didn’t try to pretend like she was telling us something so unheard of and revolutionary, which was nice.

The second speaker was a little, bitchy exercise nut.  She was way too young to appeal to the women in the crowd and way too snarky for the guys to pay attention to her.  During her Q&A one woman asked her, “How will I know if I am going to like a certain physical activity?”

*huffy tone* “Well, you have to TRY it!”

I wanted to smack her.  I mean, yea, it was a stupid question (I’m not of the belief that there are no stupid questions), but she didn’t have to be so bitchy with her response.

The next speaker was one of the doctors.  He had a pretty nifty powerpoint presentation with his speech.  He didn’t treat us like idiots - or slobs - and showed us what he thinks about weight loss.  His personal opinion - weight loss is nice, but not a primary concern.  He would rather see “medication loss” (my term not his).  He wants to see an improvement in health that would allow you to use less medications for things like diabetes, GERD, heart problems, etc.  And for those of us without those problems (ME ME ME) he wants us to avoid them.

After the doctor was a woman who had a bypass five years ago.  She runs the local (Syracuse local, not local to me) bariatric support groups.  N O T M Y C U P O F T E A.  She was just so gung-ho about the whole thing and kept trying to make jokes that were SO … I don’t even know the word.  She was trying to be the “class clown” and she just wasn’t pulling it off.  Very cheesey.  Kind enough, but very cheesey.

The big point made throughout the meeting that made me a bit angry was the push they had for getting a bypass.  To the point where they, well, they didn’t exactly lie about the amount of weight loss between the bypass and LapBand, but they didn’t exactly tell the truth either.

Research shows that one or two years out of surgery the amount of weight lost (on average) is significantly greater for those that had a bypass than those who opted for a LapBand.  However if you go out five years from surgery…it’s a different story.

The weight loss is roughly the same.

Yes, it sure is easier to “cheat” on a LapBand than it is with bypass.  Milkshakes and ice cream will pass through…whereas with a bypass milkshakes and ice cream will give you days of agony and diarrhea.  But…so?

I guess if you’re a horrible sugar junkie you’d never lose any weight.  I think I, personally, have milkshakes and ice cream 2 or 3 times a year - tops.  So, given that pattern, I would have 2 or 3 weeks out of the year where I don’t lose weight.  And that’s only if I fall back to my old habits.  It really doesn’t make me want to run to get a bypass. 

Also, if you’re in your 50’s or 60’s and take 20 medications for weight-related health problems, then I could see why you might opt for a bypass.  You need to drop the weight - fast.  It’s a better option.

I’m 30, have NO weight-related problems (yet) and would rather lose the weight slowly.  What I do have is Multiple Sclerosis.  I would rather take the option that has less risk for infection since I have an autoimmune disorder.  Little is known about how your body reacts to rapid weight loss.  For all I know dropping it that fast might also kick my immune system into overdrive.  I’ll take it slow, thanks.

My meeting date is coming soon and I can’t WAIT! 

I filled out the questionnaire they sent and mailed it to them today.  Aside from that…not much on the LapBand front.  Pretty boring, I know. 

Baby Hank wound up self-weaning early.  So I called University Hospital in Syracuse.  Yes SYRACUSE!  There is nobody within 3 hours of me to perform this surgery…which makes me slightly nervous - but I’ll deal.

I now have an informational meeting to go to on March 25th and a packet on it’s way to me to fill out and send back in.

Very excited.

I received a thick packet in the mail with all the requirements for my insurance company.

I meet them all except for possibly one.  Even though I have dietted unsuccessfully many, MANY times - I’ve never done it under the guidance of a doctor.  This might just screw me.  Time will tell.

In the meantime I just have to put all of this on hold.  My baby was born back in May and I’m still breastfeeding.  I seriously doubt any bariatric surgeon will see me knowing that my diet directly affects a baby’s.

I got on the horn with my insurance company this week and had them send an informational packet about WLS coverage.  I’m hoping it’s not too difficult.

I went to sign up for an account at http://www.obesityhelp.com to find out that I already HAD an account.  Apparently I signed up many moons ago and forgot about it.

That’s fitting.  I guess this has been in the making for a long time.  After reading the posts in the various forums I have made the ultimate decision to get LapBand surgery.

Now to the next step…